Weathering the Storm
by FringeBangs
Summary: A wolf's imprintee is tragically killed by what looks to be a fellow wolf. Lines are drawn and alliances are made with both wolves and vampires choosing sides as a new threat emerges. Post Eclipse. AU.
1. Prologue

**A/N - **This is my first attempt at a real fanfiction and not a crackfic. Thank you to my girls GAHGAH and Reijilie for helping me discover the story and to all the EBs for their continued support in my life. I cannot promise how often I will update, but I'll do my best.

Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.

**Prologue**

"If there's anything you need, just call," Embry said, the concern etched deep in his eyes. I shrugged his hand off of my shoulder. I had heard that same sentence uttered time and time again over the last few days.

"Thanks," I replied, glancing quickly around to make sure _he_ wasn't in ear shot, but I spoke low because of our heightened hearing. "Is he… I mean, is he still…?"

The interested expression on Embry's face fell and I knew immediately that my suspicions were correct. He blamed me for what had happened. So did I.

Embry and I stiffened at the same time, catching the scent. Vampire. More than one. We played nice with them since that day eighteen months ago when their kind came to destroy us, but we were enemies even though the name Cullen was now tolerated.

"Bella, Edward," Embry said with a nod. I made a mental note to thank him later for being the one to greet them kindly. I didn't have it in me today.

"We just wanted to tell you how sorry we are, if there's anything you need,"

"Call you. Sure Bella, whatever," I spoke a bit too forcefully and she had to put a hand on Edward's arm to stop him from speaking in her defense. I knew, though, looking at the bloodsucker's face that he was reading my mind and was somehow feeling pity for me. I didn't want his pity. What were the leeches going to offer me anyway? Blood? Target practice? Actually, the target practice didn't sound so bad.

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly and another vampire joined them. I didn't have the patience to deal with this shit right now. The love of my life was gone, killed by something, and my pack brother hated me. I didn't feel like playing nice and I was close to my limit. I suppose that's why this one came over; Jasper, the parasite that can control emotions, or whatever. He had earned my respect when we fought together to protect the pack, and I owed him, but not today. Not when _she_, my entire reason for existing for two years, was gone. Not when I felt hollow. Not when the rage was so strong. I was doing my best to keep it inside but it was boiling just underneath the surface, begging to be set free.

If one more person tells me how sorry they are I swear on everything holy I'm going to rip their throat out.

I need some air.

I left the Black's house and stalked off toward the woods. Impulsive. That seemed to be my defining characteristic. That and my temper. At least those were my strongest personality traits until she came into my life. She was caring and funny and smelled so damn good all the time. She taught me to be less impulsive just by simply being her and loving me. I knew I never deserved her. Imprint or not, she chose me, and I wanted to do nothing but make her happy and protect her. I failed her.

As I thought about her I reached the woods. Without thinking twice I stripped my clothes off as quickly as I could. I threw them aside carelessly, I didn't want them anymore. I'd never be able to wear them again without thinking about her funeral.

I phased and ran. Fast. I needed the wind in my fur and the forest under my paws. It wasn't long before I heard someone following. Sam.

_Where are you going?_

_Away._

_Look, I know you need some time by yourself but you can't abandon us. We need to figure out-_

_I won't._

_It's… dangerous._

_Just back the hell off; I said I'd be back._

_Paul._

_What?_

_I'm sorry. If it were Emily, I don't… I mean, I can't- I'm sorry._

I stopped my running and phased back. I couldn't take him and his sympathy. Sam was probably my best friend, but I just couldn't listen to that bullshit right now. He didn't know what it was like. None of them did. Of the ones that had imprinted I was the only one that had ever lost my girl. And it was my fault.


	2. Theories

**A/N - **First of all I must say I could not be doing this without the support of the EBs. You ladies make writing fun again. Pix and Rei - many many thanks and IFLYs to you two for reading this, giving me suggestions, pointing out things that needed to be changed, and listening to my insecurities. We shall dance the Macarena and throw confetti in November. Please review if you think I should keep going.

This chapter is Jasper's POV, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight (but I touched Alex).

**Chapter 1 - Theories**

We entered the house and were immediately greeted by our solemn family. Alice was at my side faster than a mortal heartbeat and crushed her small frame into me. I loved that woman.

The mood was completely somber, and rightfully so. A human was dead, killed by the forces of our world, and we had no idea what happened.

"Did you find out anything?" Carlisle questioned us softly, with more compassion in his words than I think I had in my entire being.

"Paul is completely blaming himself. His memories of the – event – were short and fleeting, I'm assuming because he didn't want to think about it," Edward told us, and he rubbed his temple. He was hiding something. That kid had the worst poker face out of all of us. I was still amazed that it took Bella as long as it did to catch on. We did, however, respect that if Edward was withholding information he usually had a good reason. He would share whatever it was with Alice or me if he felt it should be shared.

The soft swish of Esme's dress was the only sound in the room as she took a step forward and asked the question all of us were impatient to know.

"And Jacob?"

"He also is blaming Paul. He has a theory," Edward stopped speaking abruptly and we all heard it then. Two wolves were approaching.

"Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Edward," Carlisle said sternly and the four of us followed him onto the porch. We had a good relationship with the wolves since we stood up for them against the Volturi, but this situation was new and we all were on edge. I was beginning to tire of the tension and it had only been five days.

Sam and Seth emerged from the woods wearing their suit trousers from the funeral. It seemed as though they needed to talk to us in a hurry.

"Hello Sam, Seth, it's very nice to see you, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss. If we can help you in any way please don't hesitate to ask," Carlisle greeted, and it looked like Seth truly was holding back tears.

"Thank you Carlisle. We came to talk about what happened and ask you if you found anything out," Sam said, directing the last part to Edward.

"Paul took off?" Edward questioned, and Sam's sharp eyes narrowed. He nodded slightly and I felt his worry take over his emotional state.

"He said he would be back, but we all know how impulsive he can be. Did you hear anything from him at the funeral?"

"A lot of guilt, but nothing more specific about what happened," Edward told him, again not disclosing the other information that he had. His gaze shifted to Seth. The poor boy looked completely worn out and had his head lowered. I focused on him and felt sadness, frustration, and hurt.

"We don't know that, Seth," Edward said kindly, and Seth looked up, his eyes showing the hope he wanted to have at Edward's words. "Sam didn't hear that and neither did I. Paul is just grieving and needed to be alone."

My head turned quickly to Edward.

"Care to share?" Emmett asked crossing his arms. He had no patience for private conversations and at this stage neither did I. Edward sighed, looking again at Seth.

"I thought that maybe Paul was taking off because he knew something and was trying to get revenge," Seth volunteered the information and lowered his head again. In a flash Alice was off the porch with her arm around him.

"He wouldn't do that. I don't know Paul well, but he wouldn't abandon his brothers," She spoke gently but forcefully and I hoped she was right. Just like one of us wouldn't leave our family, a wolf wouldn't leave his pack to act on his own when it was something of this magnitude. Or would they?

"We," Sam started to speak again and paused, the next part difficult for him to ask. "We really could use your help on this one. We don't know what killed Rachel and none of us want to go back there right now."

"I'll go," I offered. I thought my unique experiences on the battlefield might help them.

"There's blood," Sam said quietly, and I nodded.

"I'll be fine."

"I'm going too," I could always count on Emmett for anything that might lead to a fight.

"As am I," Carlisle decided, and I caught Alice's eye. She was worried about me with the blood. I raised the corner of my mouth slightly to show her I knew what I was doing.

"I think Bella should go see Jake if she's up for it," Seth mumbled, and Edward nodded but I knew his emotional state. He didn't want her anywhere near Jacob.

When the Volturi showed up six months after the newborn attack to force our hand in changing Bella or killing her Jacob did not take it well. None of us did, but it was a choice we had to make. Had Edward never gone to the Volturi to ask for death, things would have been much different. But, he did go, and they did come to Forks and Bella wanted the change.

Edward was difficult to convince, but given the choice between Bella being turned or dead he chose vampire. He still felt guilty whenever he looked at her. Her pale, hard skin broke his heart but his relief over her not being a fragile human anymore fueled the guilt more. I thought he needed to get over it already. She was a vampire. They would be together as long as they existed. Unlike Paul and Rachel. I think the situation was finally allowing him to see things in a different light.

Then there was Jacob. I mentally sighed as I thought about him. He had come to see Bella when the Volturi were "visiting". He overheard the conversation about turning Bella, his anger got the best of him, and he phased. The Volturi were none too pleased that we had kept the wolves' existence a secret and went to work immediately to try to eliminate them.

I didn't want to fight the Volturi, but I didn't want the wolves to be hunted by them, either. They had fought with us. They had bled for us. The Volturi guard that came to Forks was not large. Aro and Caius, Jane, Felix, Demetri, and a few personal bodyguards made up the contingent. With the seven of us and the pack we were able to convince them that the wolves were not a threat. And what I mean by convince is fight. Jane's a bitch to deal with, but her power was shown to be useless against the wolves. That was the deciding factor. Felix was killed, Brady and Jared were injured, and we had to reattach Emmett's arm, but it was over. The Volturi promised to leave the wolves - and us - alone.

The entire situation never set right with me. I was distrustful by nature, a side effect of spending years in the middle of war, and this seemed too easy.

The tragedy and task at hand brought me back to the present. Edward was looking at me, curious as to why I was thinking about the Volturi no doubt.

"We need to know who did this as soon as possible so we can deal with it," Sam was saying, and I wholeheartedly agreed. The sooner the better, even though there was no way we would be satisfied with what we found.

----------

Sam and Seth ran with us to where the murder had taken place. When the house came into view both of them slowed and low whines escaped their throats. They lowered their muzzles and were overcome with sadness.

"Why don't you two go back to Billy's? I'm sure they could use some help and support," Carlisle suggested, knowing how difficult it must be for them to smell her blood and be reminded of all that Paul and Jacob had lost.

With a nod of his head, Sam along with Seth ran into the woods.

"Jasper?" Carlisle questioned, his eyes tight with concern for our departed friends.

"They're all grieving, obviously, but they're mostly worried about their brothers. Paul was never the most stable of the pack and Jacob has a lot of hostility towards him."

Carlisle nodded, not surprised by this news.

"What do you think happened?" Emmett asked no one in particular as he surveyed the scene. We were in a small clearing in the woods very near La Push. Paul and Rachel had a quaint house that rested against the tree line. They had thought it best to be near the woods in case Paul had to phase in a hurry.

"This is definitely where she died," Carlisle spoke softly, reverently. He had been the one to examine Rachel's body. She was so mauled that he couldn't positively say _what_ had killed her. As I looked around I recalled our first conversations about the murder with perfect clarity.

"_Was it a vampire?" Bella had asked Carlisle when he returned from pronouncing Rachel dead._

"_If it was I've never seen a vampire kill this cruelly."_

There were torn limbs from trees and bushes lying in the clearing. I looked up into one tree and saw a small scrap of fabric on a branch. I quickly climbed the tree and my horrible suspicion was correct. It was a piece of Rachel's pajamas.

"_What if it was the Volturi? Seeking revenge on the wolves?" Emmett's deep voice had volunteered the idea. _

"_Alice would have seen it if the Volturi were involved, she's watching them," I had answered. I didn't think a vampire had done this._

From my vantage point in the tree I saw more of the debris. I wondered how she could have gotten so far up into the tree. It seemed much too high for a human to climb… unless she was thrown up here.

"_Could it have just been a wild animal, maybe a bear?" Esme's soft voice had been pained. She did not like thinking about the death of a human, especially one that had seemed particularly violent._

"_I suppose it's possible," Carlisle had sighed, obviously not convinced._

The amount of damage on the forest floor was disconcerting. It was almost as if whoever had done this was trying to send a message. From the tree I also saw that there were no trails that led away from or into the clearing. We knew from the pack that the only signs of struggle between the house and the clearing were one broken vase and a few snapped twigs.

It was eerie how Rachel's body and all of the destruction had rested in one tiny area of the forest. That fact didn't stop Emmett from heading into the woods while Carlisle and I investigated the obvious crime scene.

"_There's another option," Rosalie had stated. Her voice had been cold and harsh, even for her. Edward turned toward her, his normally stoic expression turning to sheer surprise._

"_You can't possibly be serious," he scoffed, putting an arm around Bella instinctively._

"Jasper, do you smell that?" Emmett called from deeper in the woods. I leapt down from the tree effortlessly and followed him. I moved carefully, inhaling the rich scents around me – trying to pick up whatever he was.

"There's a hint of something familiar, but it's extremely faint," I spoke quietly and if I were talking to anyone but a vampire or a werewolf I know I would not have been heard. We both started to naturally move in the same direction and the odor was getting stronger. I think he recognized the scent at the same time I did because we locked eyes.

"_I am serious, Edward. It wouldn't be the first time a wolf lost it around their imprintee," Rosalie had continued, voicing what only Edward had heard before._

"_What happened with Sam and Emily was enough of a warning to the rest of the pack that they must maintain composure at all times," Carlisle had stated, attempting to discredit the idea._

Paul. His scent was everywhere in the woods.

"_That may be, but he is the most volatile of the pack," Alice had said softly, not wanting to believe it but having to admit that Rose had a point._

"It makes sense, though – their house isn't far from here, he would need to be in the woods to phase. Just because his scent is near the clearing, well, it doesn't mean he did anything," I spoke aloud, not sure if I was trying to convince Emmett or if I was just stating the obvious.

"_No. I cannot believe that Paul killed her. The way I see the crime scene in Carlisle's mind convinces me it wasn't him. People are not that cruel to people they love," Edward had stood up for Paul. _

"_You didn't want me around Jacob for a long time," Bella had reminded, and Edward's jaw clenched. I felt him become angry at the mention of Jacob's name._

"_I still don't want you around him, but for different reasons now," he had replied and anger also had begun to emanate from her in waves. Bella was still considerably new to being a vampire and her emotions got the better of her quite often. _

_ I did my best to diffuse__ the situation with my abilities._

"Jasper, you know I like Paul – I hope to get into a fight with him someday – but the dude isn't stable," Emmett said, shaking his head.

"Why isn't his scent in the clearing, then?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow incredulously.

"Can you smell anything but blood there?"

I shook my head in defeat. I didn't believe Paul did it, but we weren't finding a lot of evidence that pointed in any particular direction.

_ My abilities had failed. Edward and Bella were both stubborn as hell when they wanted to be._

_ They both had become quiet and Emmett cracked a joke about not getting enough action._

"Emmett! Jasper!" Carlisle called and we both recognized the disbelief in his voice and hurried back to him.

Carlisle had his back turned and appeared to be examining a tree trunk. We joined him and he took a step back. There, imbedded deep in a tree were bloody claw marks like ones we had seen many times before.


	3. Sympathy for the Wolf

**A/N **- So, here's the next chapter... I know it's a lot of angst, but as ginhetto so beautifully pointed out - this is an intense situation and Paul is an intense guy. A million thank you's to my EBs, especially Rei, Spill, and Gin for reading and giving me pointers. Thanks also to my friend Rachel who gave me some advice. I hope you all enjoy the story, all will be revealed in due time.

This Chapter is Paul's POV. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight (but I touched Alex!).

**Chapter 2 - Sympathy for the Wolf**

How long had I been running? A few days? A week? A month?

It didn't matter.

Regardless of how much time had passed I hadn't dealt with anything yet. I spent most of my time in wolf form, just allowing instinct to drive me.

The good news was that I was left alone. Mostly. Sam checked in on me a few times, but he never said anything to me. I could feel his worry when he phased but I didn't want to - no, I _couldn't_ talk to him yet. I was thankful the other guys left me alone, but I was concerned about Jake. I shouldn't have run off right after her funeral.

And there it was. _Her_. Rachel. I ran faster.

Someone had killed her, and I had only caught a glimpse. I tried to follow them into the woods but they were too fast. They were too fast for _me_. Who the hell were they? Why did they kill her? It had to be my fault. If only I was home. If only I could have caught him.

It was too much. I had to stop. I phased back into my human form and let it happen. I let the sorrow and the grief take me under for as long as it would have me. I fell to the ground, put my head on my arms, and let it overwhelm me.

----------

_I was home. Something felt wrong. I went from room to room searching for her. It seemed as though the closer I came to finding her the faster she slipped from my grasp. Then finally, I saw her. Her back was to me at first but she slowly turned to face me. I saw her beautiful bright eyes and the smile that she only ever had for me. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling whole._

I don't know what woke me from my dream, but as soon as I realized I had been dreaming I immediately remembered that she wasn't with me. When I _could_ sleep I dreamt of her often, never conscious that she was no longer alive until I awoke. Sometimes I wished I wouldn't dream of her so I wouldn't have to face the stinging disappointment every time.

I was aware of the cold drops hitting my heated skin, but it was as if I couldn't feel them. Everything was numb. I had finally let the emotions overtake me and I was drained. I had to face the fact that the person I was living for was gone. How do you deal with something like that? How did I know who I was without her when she had defined me?

I sighed heavily and stood, turning my face toward the sky and letting the rain wash the last traces of my tears away. I had to go home. I had to face Jacob and Billy. I just didn't want to.

The rumbling of my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten yet today. Food in the forest was easier to find as a wolf - I phased. Almost immediately Sam was talking to me.

_Where have you been?_

_I fell asleep._

I snapped at him. He knew I wasn't going to abandon-

_Okay, I'm sorry. I just… you need to come home._

He had heard my thought and interrupted it. I didn't reply immediately.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go home yet.

_I will, I think in a few more days-_

_No. You need to come home now._

Sam interrupted me again. I just listened to him think for a minute before I answered. They had found something.

_Tell me what you found!_

_I can't. We need to talk. All of us do - and with the council._

_What?_

_Paul, come home._

There was no mistaking the tone in his voice. This was an alpha order. I immediately turned and headed back to La Push; to where she died.

----------

It took me a couple of days. I ate, slept, and ran. I was not entirely opposed to going back yet, but the way Sam withheld information from me made me uneasy. The entire situation made me uneasy. As I ran I thought about that night again.

"_Paul, I want you to stay home. I promise I'll make it worth your while," Rachel had said, parading around in one of my pajama shirts - and nothing else. She knew how sexy I thought she was and she was not making this easy for me._

"_Baby, I want to stay too. You have no idea how much. But I promised Seth and Embry that I would be there this time. Jake has Leah. The rest of us…" She had then cut me off with a kiss. One of those deep, sensual, I want you to take me right here and now kind of kisses. She had pressed her body into me and ran her hands up my back slowly. Damn, this woman was not making this easy. Suddenly, she had broken away._

"_Okay. I understand. Maybe I'll call Leah and we can go cruising for guys,"_

"_You are gonna pay for that comment," _

"_I hope so," she had smiled, her one dimple weakening my resolve even more._

"_Next time, I swear I'll blow it off. Plus, I'm supposed to be nicer to Jake so we can ask him to be in the wedding - right?"_

"_Since when did you figure out how to use logic instead of impulse?" She had questioned, one eyebrow lifting in mock amusement._

"_Since you showed up in my life," I had swiped some hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear before ruining the moment. "Which would directly relate to me eating all of your dad's Doritos. I hear they're great brain food."_

"_You should keep eating them,"_

"_I'll see you later,"_

If only I had known I wouldn't see her later - alive that is.

I was close. I could already smell the remnants of her blood, even with the recent rain. I slowed my steps and took my human form. I had completely avoided that God forsaken clearing and was approaching the back of our - my - house. I hadn't been back since that night.

I could feel and hear my heart pounding in my chest. Some of it was from running, but most of it was the adrenaline that was building in my veins. Fight or flight. The backdoor to the house stood ominously and mocked me from my refuge in the woods. It was only then that I realized that I had stopped moving forward. I had to make a decision. Either I went in there and faced her last moments again, or I just went to Sam's like a coward. Whichever I chose I realized I was a naked man almost exposing himself to anyone who drove by. I needed clothes.

My steps were shaky, but I managed to move my legs in the direction of the house.

After what seemed like an eternity I was at the door. I grabbed the key hidden under her favorite planter - one I had bought her for her birthday - and finally opened the door.

I immediately was assaulted with the stench of vampire. He didn't seem surprised to see me, just curious. I wasted no time, grabbing this throat and slamming him back into the refrigerator.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I growled, surprised at the sound of my voice. I hadn't heard it in a while.

"I'm trying to help," he replied, not fighting me, but keeping his hand locked around my forearm in case I became too aggressive.

"Help what?"

"You."

"I don't want or need your help," I snarled, enraged at the notion that this leech thought I needed him to help me find Rachel's killer.

"Paul, I think you should hear me out," He replied in a calming tone, and I remembered that this one could manipulate emotions, the same realization I had had at her funeral when I saw him. Jasper. My grip loosened. Maybe he could help me. Maybe with him around I wouldn't be so taken over by the grief. I eased up even more.

"Fine. Talk," I snapped, removing my hand completely, but keeping a defensive stance.

"We found claw marks in a tree… by where she died," he began softly. It took me a moment to process the information.

"What kind of claw marks?"

"They look, well they look like something that someone from the pack might make when in wolf form," His freakishly yellow eyes burned into mine.

"You think someone in the pack…?" I couldn't even finish my sentence. There was no way. _No_ way that any of my brothers would have taken her from me.

"No, I don't, but there are some that think…" he paused and tilted his head slightly. "Do you want to get some pants?"

I let out a short chuckle but immediately stopped myself. A laugh? I laughed? The overwhelming guilt I felt at that moment threatened to break me again. But it didn't. I looked at Jasper and narrowed my eyes.

"Are you doing that?" I questioned, crossing my arms over my chest and he stared back at me momentarily before nodding slightly.

"I thought you could use a moment of relative peace. I'll stop if you want me to," he replied, more timidly than I remembered a vampire ever being.

While I was entirely disgusted that a bloodsucker was even remotely guessing as to what might help me I wasn't going to deny it. However marginal the improvement might be, I was going to take it. I sure as hell wasn't going to seek it out, but obviously something was going on and I needed to know what that was. Jasper seemed to have information, plus he was the equivalent of a Xanax.

"I'll be right back," I told him stiffly and went to retrieve some clothes. As I walked through the house to the staircase that led to the modest second floor I kept my eyes up. I knew the vase was still broken on the ground and I would deal with that later.

I took the steps quickly, wanting the experience of being in our room to be as short as possible. I retrieved my favorite pair of faded jeans and a black t-shirt. I didn't stop to look for shoes.

I descended the stairs three at a time, fighting back the emotion that was rising in my chest and nearly ran into Jasper who now stood near the front door.

"Want me to drive?" He questioned, and I raised an eyebrow. _Drive?_

He seemed to immediately sense my confusion.

"I wanted to tell you a few things before you walked into La Push," he elaborated. I nodded then, and we walked out of the house.

I turned and closed the door behind me, the emotion rising again. Her last moments were here. In our home. What would I do - sell the house? Live there? What about all her stuff?

"Paul?" Jasper's voice cut into my thoughts, bringing me back to the task at hand. There were so many questions, many of which I had put off for too long, and I needed some answers. I reluctantly let go of the door handle and got into the black car.

"Ok, what do you know?" I asked sharply, entirely uneasy in a confined space with a vampire. The car was fancy and the smell was practically unbearable.

"I know we found the claw marks. I know the only scent we could pick up was yours, and I know that Jacob has his suspicions about why you ran away," Jasper said in a no nonsense matter. He just blurted it out like it was no big deal.

I blinked once. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I gripped the dash in front of me, my limbs shaking in anger. All of my energy went into not phasing.

"What - you think I-? What the HELL? Why pretend to help me if you think I'm capable of _that_?"

"I don't think you killed her."

"But you just said…"

"I said Jacob has his suspicions."

"So _Jacob_ thinks I killed Rachel?" This was not happening. I lost the only person that truly ever cared for me and now her brother thinks I'm the one that murdered her?

"Not exactly. We don't know everything about his suspicions. He's getting very good at hiding some of his thoughts from Edward."

"I don't want to know anything else. Just stop the car."

"What? Why?" I squeezed my eyes shut and put my head in my hands; I needed to get out of the car and phase.

"Because I don't give a damn about what you think you know; I need to go talk with my pack and _Rachel's brother_, not some leech."

Either it was my mood or my words, but he pulled the car over immediately.

"Good luck." He said, I think sincerely, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I quickly freed myself from the car and headed into the woods.

I stripped, secured my clothes to my leg, and became the animal.

There were no others with me, and I pushed myself hard to reach Sam's house as fast as I possibly could.

When I arrived they were all there - outside in fact - looking like they were deep in conversation. Were they waiting for me?

"Paul!" Sam said, somewhat surprised at seeing me approach. I stopped at the edge of the group, a familiar loose circle of my brothers forming around me. Leah was noticeably absent but I decided to ask about that later.

"Hey," I said simply, looking at each face. The expressions were all different; I saw tension, worry, and - bitterness? Then there was Jacob. He was most definitely angry. "I don't," I tried, and my voice betrayed my emotion and caught. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I'm sorry for taking off-"

"Just shut up. You abandoned us after my sister… died! You claimed you loved her! Well, what about the rest of us that cared about her too?" He clenched his fists after his interruption and I could see he was trying very hard to restrain himself.

I knew this was coming. Jake never truly warmed to the idea of me and Rachel, even though she was my imprintee. I wanted to fight back, to be irrational, but I couldn't. We were both broken and I didn't have it in me to be angry with him. I knew he blamed me, as he should. As they all should. I just clenched my jaw and nodded.

Jared and Embry looked at me curiously, obviously expecting my temper and not my resignation to the accusation.

"Look, we have a lot to sort out. First we need to talk about what the Cullens found in the woods," Sam's authority was not questioned, but I knew Jacob and I were going to have it out at some point. It was the nature of us.

"There were claw marks in a tree that look a lot like something that we might do. Your scent was the only one they found. There was obviously not much of a struggle…"

"And you left my house drunk off your ass," Jake interjected, his tone reflecting the sharpness in his eyes.

I was not expecting Jake's pseudo accusation after the conversation I had with Jasper.

"What?" I questioned stupidly.

"What happened that night, Paul?" Jake asked coolly, taking a step closer to me. I tensed, shaking my head slightly and running my hands roughly through my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the memories, but they had to come. I had to tell them _all_ of what happened.

"This isn't going to be the easiest thing for me to talk about," I whispered, every muscle in my body tensing and preparing for the guilt that was going to flood my being when I spoke. I swallowed thickly and focused my gaze on something insignificant on the ground as I continued. "I came home - yes, I was drunk but it had worn off some by the time I got to the house. I went inside and-"

"Did you go in the front or the back?" Jacob asked and I furrowed my brow, confused and taken off guard yet again.

"The front… why?" My eyes shot back up to their faces.

"Did you close the door?" Quil asked next, speaking for the first time to me in a while.

"Um, I'm pretty sure I did. Why?" I questioned again, growing a little impatient that they weren't answering me.

"The front door was open when we went by to check on you," Seth volunteered quietly and Jacob shot him a glare. Seth raised his hands defensively.

"Continue please," Sam said next, and I gave one short nod, preparing myself again.

"It was late and at first I didn't notice anything wrong. I called her name," I had to pause. I really didn't want to relive this. It was important, though. I had blocked these memories from them at first because _I _couldn't deal with them.

"Paul!" Jacob growled, and my eyes flashed to him - warning him not to push me right now.

"Let him take his time," Sam ordered, and Jacob crossed his arms, glaring at me but waiting.

"She didn't answer. I went looking for her and stepped on some broken glass. I found out later the glass was from the vase on our hall table. I kept calling for her, went from room to room, but I couldn't find her. I finally decided to check out back. That's when I heard her," I stopped again, this time knowing my body couldn't handle it. I fell on my knees, feeling the weight of that night on me.

Embry reached for my shoulder.

"Don't touch me. Just let me get this out," I pleaded with him, and he withdrew his hand. Silently and without fanfare they all also dropped to their knees. Well, except for Jacob. I don't know exactly why they did it, but it reminded me of what athletes do when a teammate is injured. The difference between the athletes and me is that I would never be able to get up and get better.

"I heard her scream. I phased and ran toward her voice since I couldn't find a scent or see a trail. She screamed again then I didn't hear her anymore. I reached her after a few more strides," The tears were flowing freely down my cheeks at this point. I hadn't cried much aside from that rainy day earlier in the week when I let it overwhelm me. I didn't care that everyone was watching, all that mattered was that I was reliving her last moments again.

"She was lying in that clearing - broken. I looked around but didn't see anything. I phased back and she looked at me. She was dying and she looked at me like she had a million times. I didn't know what to do - there was blood everywhere. I tried to focus on the major wounds, but there were so many," I inhaled a shaky breath as I tried to steady myself in order to repeat her last words.

"I called out for help, even though I knew no one would hear me. She was able to grab one of my hands and asked 'why did he do this?' I tried to ask her who but she - it was over. I backed away from her because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold my human form and I ran into the woods, trying frantically to find a scent. I never found one. But I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. It looked like some kind of animal, but I still couldn't find a scent. I followed it the best I could but it wasn't good enough - I wasn't fast enough. I went back to her body… you guys found us a few hours later." I hope they couldn't tell I was holding something back. I didn't reveal everything because it was too personal, it hurt too much, and it was a lie. It had to be a lie.

"We need to meet with the council," Sam spoke after several long minutes. I nodded and Sam, Jacob, and I slowly made our way into the woods, phased, and ran to the cliffs. Jacob's thoughts were all daggers.

_She trusted you to take care of her. She left school for you. If you would have called us when you heard her… tried harder to find 'him'… _

_Jacob, I know you blame me, I do too - okay? If I had got home sooner or if I would have just stayed home or if I were faster getting to her she'd still be here._

_Guys, enough. We can't change what happened. We need to deal with the problem at hand._

I felt his thoughts flicker to me. _The problem at hand. I was the problem_.

_Damn right you're the problem._

_Jake - I said enough!_

_He's not wrong, Sam; neither are you._

_Just wait for the council's decision._

_Decision?_

_About what to do with you._

_You're still not telling me everything. _I accused, suddenly filled with rage.

_Neither are you. _Sam countered, and I knew Jacob's mistrust of me grew with that simple statement.

_I'm telling you everything that's relevant._

_Paul, I swear on everything holy that I will rip your heart out if you don't tell us everything._

_JACOB! _This time Sam's tone had the alpha authority behind it.

_Go ahead, it's not like it's doing me any good anyway… _I thought and Sam sighed heavily.

We ran the rest of the way in relative silence, Jake grumbling occasionally and me wishing he'd attack me already. Maybe I'd have to start it like old times.

The cliffs had been used by our tribe's council for the entire existence of our people. I had often stood and heard them make decisions that would be in the tribe's best interest. Today would be no exception other than instead of just being a bystander I was the accused.

"Sam, Jake, Paul," Billy Black greeted us each with a nod when we arrived. Even me. His daughter - who I had been living with - was dead because I failed to protect her yet he still greeted me. If I didn't think the guilt could weigh me down any further I was mistaken. His simple salutation made my shoulders slump and I couldn't meet his gaze.

"Does he know?" Billy asked Sam, to which he shook his head.

"Please sit," Billy said to the three of us. My attention was completely focused on the situation, and even though Old Quil and Sue - the other council members - were present it was obvious that Billy held all the true authority.

I reluctantly sat in the traditional spot held for the one on trial.

"Would you like to say anything before we officially begin?" Old Quil questioned, and I shook my head. There was nothing I could say that could fix it. It couldn't bring her back and it couldn't change the fact that I ran away when they needed me to stay.

"Paul, we don't think you killed her," Sam started quietly, and I could have sworn I heard Jacob grumble. "But we need to address your actions both that night and after."

"I know," my voice was quiet but I knew they heard me. They started with what I already knew and I felt my pulse quicken. What would they reveal?

"The fact that none of us, vampires or wolves, can find a scent is unnerving. Unless someone has found a way to mask it," Sam continued with his spiel. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Wait - who do you think did this?"

"One of us."

I was absolutely stunned to silence. Sam, the pack alpha, thought that one of our own did this? Jacob's expression mirrored my own.

"Impossible," We both said at the same time. I looked at him - my once future brother-in-law - and all I saw disgust and mistrust in his eyes.

"Why do you think it's impossible?" Sue asked, her voice steely and much too like Leah's, it was harsh.

"Because of the connection! Because we can't hide anything from each other," Jacob began, but my mind was racing. Hadn't I held onto things recently? Hadn't he? The pack was changing.

"That may have once been the case, but not anymore," Sam said - his voice an odd mixture of sadness and relief.

"Paul, do you know of any of the pack that would have wanted to hurt you?" Billy questioned next, his tone full of emotion he was trying to hide. He had lost so much in his life; I wanted nothing more than to be able to find who killed his little girl for both of us.

After a few brief moments and closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Very well," Old Quil said softly, obviously disappointed. So was I.

"Jacob? What about you?" Sue asked, and he also shook his head.

"Paul, we all know you have a temper. I want you to be completely honest with us. I know you had a lot to drink that night. Is there any possibility you accidently phased near her?" I felt Billy's dark eyes burning into mine, but I couldn't look at him. There it was. There was the question I knew someone was going to ask. _Was it me? _Not that I blamed them for wanting to know. I was not known for my level headed approach to life and the story I told seemed just as easily made up as truth.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat for the second time in an hour before returning his gaze.

"There is no way in Heaven or Hell that I did this. I didn't phase anywhere near her. Something killed her and I _will_ track them down and repay the favor."

"You were drunk," Jacob accused again.

"Do you think I killed your sister?" I asked him, tired of the bull and standing up. Jacob also stood.

"I think you know something more than you're telling us," He shot back, and I growled, instinctively lowering myself into a defensive crouch. Jacob's weight shifted too, ready for me to make the first move.

"Son," I heard Billy say, and Jake stood upright again.

"Paul, is there something you're not telling us?" Old Quil's white eyebrows furrowed together. I could lie. I could tell them they knew everything I did.

"I'm telling you everything that I need to."

"That's not how this works," Sue stated, and I snapped.

"You don't need to know. None of you do. She died in my arms. She died because I couldn't get to her soon enough. I don't think you need to know everything except for what is relevant to finding her killer."

"Who the hell do you think you are? You don't get to choose what information is helpful and what is 'need to know'," Jacob's fury was completely in the open and even though I was some distance away I could see him shake with anger.

"I'm not choosing, she did," I said, and everyone looked at me with questioning eyes. I knew in that moment that I was always going to have those eyes on me from now on.

"What does that mean?" Sam asked, his irritation finding its way to the surface as well.

"It means _she_ asked me not to tell you. And I won't."

"Paul, if you keep things from us - regardless of why - you cannot continue being a protector," Billy said quietly but sternly.

I blinked. What?

"We need to know everything or the person who did this might not be caught," Sue added, but I was resigned. I wouldn't tell them. It wasn't their business. My thoughts drifted back to her plea.

"_Please, Paul, you can't tell them anything about this - they won't understand."_

I set my jaw and shook my head.

Jacob phased and knocked me down faster than I could react. I also phased and kicked him, sending him crashing back into the woods.

_You son of a bitch! She was my sister!_

_And she was my fiancée!_

_What?_

I phased again into my human form, my clothes no more than tattered shreds all over the ground. Jacob was too shocked to attack me a second time.

"You leave us no choice," Old Quil decreed sadly.

"You are no longer part of the pack of protectors," I had never heard Billy's voice so weighted, and my stomach sank.

What had I done?

"We expect you to stay out of the pack's affairs; do not investigate on your own, and do not seek out information from them. You no longer have the privilege of being present at this council," Sam told me, the words obviously painful to say. There was no way in hell I could fix this. Ever.

There was nothing more to say so I turned and made my way back into the forest, walking without direction. Sometime after the sun had disappeared I realized what had happened. I was no longer part of the pack.

I collapsed against a tree, wishing the scratches inflicted by the rough bark on my naked back wouldn't heal so fast. Where was the outside mark that showed what I was inside? Broken, alone, and as good as dead without my pack.

I had quite literally lost everything.

There was no noise but suddenly I knew I was not alone. I lifted my eyes only to be met with an icy stare.

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So... Reviews, like Alex, make my heart flutter. I might send my goats after you if you aren't reviewing.


	4. A Message

**A/N **- Holy rusted metal, Batman, I'm updating! As always, much love to my EBs (especially Rei and Gineh for this chappie). For anyone who's still reading - thank you, you complete me, I'll never let go, if you build it they will come, etc. I promise I have a plan for this story and I won't give up on it, but sometimes RL rears it's ugly head and my inspiration to write goes out the window.

Twilight belongs to S-money.

This chapter takes place 4 months after the previous one, jsyk. All will be revealed in due time.

**Chapter 3 - A Message**

**Jasper's POV  
**

A slight breeze rustled the leaves high in the trees around me. I sighed.

"I know you're there," I stated, my voice barely more than a whisper.

More movement.

"Emmett. I can hear you, I can smell you, and I can feel your excitement. I swear you're worse than Alice in the enthusiasm department when you think you're being sneaky."

"You could be a little nicer about it," He grumbled, emerging from the shadows, his mood turning sour.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to focus," I sighed again, going back over Carlisle's notes. I had recently taken to seclusion in the forest behind our house, trying to find something.

"Jazz, you've been over it - we're not missing anything," Emmett said before he decided to jump up into a tree and hang upside down. I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't help but smirk. Sometimes I wonder how Rose put up with him.

"There's no way that the killer could have vanished. We're completely missing something," I said back, turning away from him. I felt his mood shift again, and the corner of my mouth turned up. He was going to try to attack me.

I took a few steps and Emmett jumped down, pouncing at me. I easily stepped out of his way and he crashed into a tree.

"Not fair! You and Edward are not allowed to use your gifts anymore!" He huffed like a child having a tantrum and I doubled over, laughing. I knew he'd attack me again but this time I let him. He tackled me easily and we began to wrestle around.

"You boys are never going to grow up," we heard Esme say from quite some distance off. There was obvious humor in her tone.

"Nope," both of us replied in unison. Esme appeared through the trees a few seconds later, and I brushed the dirt and leaves off of my clothing.

"Were you two going to the wedding?" She asked us, and I nodded.

"Gah, it's going to stink," Emmett commented, and I laughed again. Sam and Emily were getting married, there would be wolves everywhere.

"Do we know if Paul is going to be there?" I asked softly. Ever since he had been exiled from the pack I tried keeping tabs on him, but he wasn't the easiest to track.

"I don't know. Edward hasn't mentioned it," she answered, and Emmett and I nodded. It would be difficult for him to be around his pack and at a wedding.

"Dude, if he shows up it could get interesting," Emmett's anticipation grew, expecting some sort of showdown. I shoved him.

"We're leaving in an hour - I'll tell everyone you're coming," Esme replied and she looked at me. Her eyes and emotions were sad for a brief moment before she turned and ran off. She was sad for me?

"Hey, I want to check something in Paul's house - want to come with me?"

"Why are you spending so much time on this Jazz?" He questioned, truly curious.

"If it were Alice… I can't just let it go." Emmett nodded, understanding - if not approval - washing over him. The two of us went to the house, knowing full well no one would be there. Paul had abandoned it months ago.

"Okay, we're here - what are we looking for?" Emmett's nose turned up at the smell. I was actually used to it now.

"Carlisle's autopsy report mentioned some herbs, I just want to see what they have in the kitchen."

"Herbs? What the hell is the relevance of herbs?"

"I don't know…" I stopped talking and put my hand up to halt Emmett. He heard it too, a split second before the voices.

"Paul, it's been months! You need to tell the pack!" A female voice demanded. Leah?

I motioned for Emmett to exit out the back and I followed.

"You just need to stay the hell out of it. You keep sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. She didn't want me to say anything - I thought I'd made that clear."

'Why is he here?' Emmett mouthed and I shrugged.

"I knew about her, that's why I came to talk to you after the council meeting but this has gone on too long! They need to know!" She paused, sniffing the air briefly, "Is that vampire stench?" She questioned next, and Paul sighed.

"They come by now and again - mostly that emotion manipulator Jasper."

"Great, now you're getting friendly with leeches and not the pack,"

"Look, Leah, the pack _kicked me out_. I'm not 'getting friendly with leeches', I'm just not stopping them from investigating."

"The scent is fresh," Leah stated with agitation in her voice.

"So?"

"Did they know you'd be here?" She asked next, obviously getting angry.

"I don't know - probably not. I don't stay here much I just needed some clothes," Paul replied, matching her tone.

"Clothes for what?"

"Are you that stupid?"

"The wedding? You can't be serious!"

"Why not?"

"Jake's gonna kill you."

Emmett did a fist pump and I motioned again - this time for us to go. Emmett actually pouted.

"Damn she can put up a fight," He chuckled when we were out of ear shot.

"This is going to be interesting," I said more to myself but Emmett nodded while we ran back home to change for the wedding.

-----------

I escorted my lovely wife to our seats and looked at her plastered smile, trying not to laugh.

"Don't look at me like that, it smells horrible," she said, keeping her voice low. I kissed her on the cheek and went to wait for Paul, Edward right behind me.

_Why are we doing this?_ I asked Edward silently.

"Because we don't want a scene and you've been trespassing too much," He replied with a half smile. As soon as I told the others about Paul's probable appearance at the wedding Edward suggested we use our collective power to calm him and ask him about the herbs in an attempt to distract him. If I ever wished Alice could see the wolves with her vision this was definitely the time.

_Why is Bella angry at you?_

Edward's jaw clenched.

"She thinks Jacob," He stopped talking when we both caught Paul's scent.

Edward followed the direction of his thoughts, me right behind him and I immediately sensed Paul's discomfort.

"Can we speak to you for a moment?" Edward questioned when we reached him. He was standing at the edge of the forest out of direct sight and was not surprised to see us.

"What are you looking for in my house?" He asked, his dark eyes locking with mine.

"I'm just looking for some herbs," I replied, sending a calm wave in his direction.

"I forgot how cool that emotion thing is," he muttered to himself before continuing. "It's been four months - why are you looking for things now?"

"Paul, please don't think that of us - Jasper has been trying to find a lead and this is what he discovered," Edward spoke softly, and Paul relaxed an infinitesimal amount.

"The autopsy report lists stomach contents and I was just curious about a couple of herbs that were listed. They're unusual," I elaborated, and I felt a small glimmer of hope radiate from Paul.

"I'll go back to the house with you after the wedding," Paul's eyes shot to someone behind me and Edward crouched, a low growl emanating from his chest. I caught the scent a second later and also readied myself.

"Jacob, you need to back off," Edward nearly snarled.

"Why are you here?" Jacob asked Paul, his fists clenching and his body shaking with rage. I did my best to calm the situation.

"Stop that, bloodsucker," Jacob growled at me.

"His name is Jasper, and I'm here to watch my best friend get married," Paul replied, and under other circumstances I would have laughed at Paul's defense of me.

"Edward!" Bella's angry voice shot through the tension as she joined the scene. "What are you doing?"

"He was…"

"I don't care!"

"Then why did you ask?"

I saw Paul bite his lip in an attempt not to laugh. I sent him a warning glance, and he composed himself.

"I swear you're like a child sometimes. Jacob - go back to Sam, the ceremony is going to start soon and you're the best man. Paul, you had better stay far away from them and not ruin this for Sam and Emily," Jacob actually complied, knowing how difficult Bella could be.

"How is he ruining the wedding?" Edward asked, visibly upset.

"He - you're impossible," she said before quickly walking away.

"So, after the wedding?" I questioned, trying to shake the awkwardness and Paul nodded.

We took our seats, and Paul sat next to me. Huh, didn't see that one coming. Alice did her best to not grimace at the smell.

The ceremony was nice, I suppose, I was honestly too distracted by all the emotions to notice. I thought it strange seeing Leah next to her cousin, marrying the man she used to love while her current lover was standing next to him. I couldn't help but shake my head - I thought vampires had drama but it was nothing compared to the wolves.

I was grateful when Paul left immediately following the ceremony. The confrontation with Jacob earlier was too close to the breaking point. Emmett's face sank when he realized there would be no fight. He had missed the good stuff earlier and would no doubt sulk about it for a day or two.

Edward and I accompanied Paul, heading into the woods. It was getting dark which was making me more comfortable.

"Seriously, why is Bella so upset?" I asked Edward as we ran.

"She thinks Jacob is justified in his anger at Paul - sorry man," he explained, adding the last part to our wolf counterpart. He responded by running faster.

"And you're defending him," I surmised and Edward nodded, sighing. They were the two most stubborn creatures on the planet.

"Do you smell that?" Edward asked, suddenly alarmed. I inclined my head slightly and inhaled deeply. Smoke. We ran faster and overtook Paul.

When we were near his house we saw the cause of the smoke - Paul's house was on fire. He changed into human form, his eyes wide.

"You've gotta be shitting me!" He yelled, watching his home burn. Edward and I couldn't go in; fire was definitely high on the vampire injuring list.

Before we could stop him, Paul ran into the house.

"Edward, listen to him!" I demanded, although it wasn't necessary. I was feeling for emotion and he was listening to his thoughts. It's a rare occasion when a vampire feels helpless, but we did.

"He's getting a picture and, grabbing what he can from the kitchen - he needs to hurry," Edward told me.

"I'm getting determination and panic," I replied, my eyes fixed on the house. We suddenly heard the faint shrill of a siren.

"Paul! Hurry up!" I yelled, knowing we couldn't stick around.

"Part of the second floor collapsed, he's trapped," Edward said, and without as much as a breath we both dashed toward the house. "He's in the kitchen." The sirens were getting much louder.

We entered through the kitchen door and were assaulted with the flames. I saw Paul behind a burning beam. He was trapped against the cupboards, trying to find an escape.

I ran back outside and around the side of the house. The only thing I knew to try was to make a new door, so I jumped through the wall, grabbing Paul's arm and pulling him back outside with me. Edward joined us and the three of us ran off into the woods again, just as the fire trucks arrived.

"What the hell!?" I yelled when we were a safe distance away, angry that Paul would do something so careless.

"Way to dislocate my shoulder!" He yelled back, and I looked at him. His shoulder really was dislocated.

"Damn - sorry," I muttered, trying to calm down.

"Whatever, I got what I could from the kitchen," Paul grumbled, wincing in pain.

"Would you let me set that?" Edward questioned, and Paul nodded. "Jazz, brace him."

I held Paul's other side as Edward quickly and professionally put his shoulder back in its socket. Paul yelled in pain, but his heart started to slow almost immediately.

"Thanks," Paul grumbled again and I chuckled. He handed me a small bag of things from the kitchen and swiftly put on his now singed pants.

"Jasper!" We heard the worried call of Alice, and I wiped my face. She must have seen the fire but couldn't see us because of Paul.

"Over here!" I called back and she, Bella, and Carlisle all came running up.

"What happened?" Alice demanded, hugging me tightly. Bella did the same with Edward and relief was obvious on their faces.

"We reached Paul's house and it was on fire," I said, and she hit my chest.

"So you went in?!" She asked; her tone incredulous. I didn't know her eyebrows could go so high on her forehead.

"Paul did, but got trapped so we had to help," Edward replied, but Paul interrupted.

"Hey, I would have been fine by myself," he stated, no doubt irritation I was picking up was due to the fact that vampires had to help him.

"I'm sure you would have been, but they did try to help you, regardless," Carlisle spoke calmly, and Paul rolled his eyes but didn't comment again.

"You're so stupid," Bella muttered to Edward, and he laughed before kissing her hair.

"I'm sorry?" He said; amusement on his face.

"Damn right you're sorry," she said back, smiling.

"Look, I did what I had to do. You'll let me know about those herbs if you find anything out, right?" Paul questioned, looking at me. I nodded.

"Of course," I could feel his mood shifting to grief again. Not just for Rachel but now for the lost memories of her that were contained in the house.

"Did you want to stay with us?" Edward asked next, and Bella narrowed her eyes at him.

"No thanks. I… I just need space," he replied, his eyes becoming unfocused.

"Stop by anytime," Carlisle said, and Paul gave us all one nod before turning and jogging into the woods.

"Thanks for the help," he called as he went off to grieve.

"Is he going to be okay?" Alice questioned us, and Edward and I looked at each other. We both weren't sure.

-----------

"Why the hell do I always miss the good stuff?"

"Emmett, shut up," I snapped, exasperated finally with his foul mood.

"Yes Mr. Grumpy Pants," He retorted, and I sighed.

"I'm grumpy?"

"Yes."

"You are such an ass."

"Takes one to know one."

"Seriously?" I raised my eyebrows at his childish comment.

"Yep," He said, popping the "p" sound, and I couldn't help but laugh.

We were all gathered back home, waiting for the humans to finish the investigation into the fire. Bella got off the phone with her father Charlie - who was sort of in the know about our world. He was our link to the fire department at the moment.

"It was definitely arson," She told us, and I nodded, expecting as much.

"Who would burn his house down?" Rose asked, sounding a little bored.

"Someone who was disposing of evidence, I'd assume," I stated.

"But we've been there, the wolves have been there, even the humans have been there - why burn it now?" Alice questioned, and Edward shook his head in disbelief as he heard my thoughts before I voiced them.

Someone was trying to stop us from finding out about those herbs.

"The herbs," I said, and Emmett whistled.

"No damn way. They would have just taken them, not burned the place down!" I wanted to believe Emmett's logic but I had a different feeling in my gut.

"Everyone was at the wedding; they could have just taken them unless they were sending us a message?" Edward rubbed his temples and I could feel the tension settle over the house.

"I think that's exactly what this was," Carlisle said sadly, and my thoughts went to Paul. What was he involved in that someone would kill his imprintee and now burn his home?

* * *

So... reviews give me *shiny eyes*


	5. Keeping Secrets

**A/N** - I am alive! Hopefully people still want to know what's happening with this story. I promise I won't ever abandon it! Thanks to those of you that review, especially mah girls.

Twilight belongs to someone who isn't me.

**Chapter 4 - Keeping Secrets**

**Paul's POV**

Stupid wedding.

It had been months since everything but I didn't want to go, didn't want to see their judging glances and most certainly didn't want to witness Sam and Emily marry. I would never be able to marry Rachel, so what the hell was the point?

The best part is that I went because I knew Rachel would have wanted me to. She and I were both supposed to be in the wedding party before everything happened. Why is it that I still want to do things for her even though she's gone? Do I feel more connected to her if I do? Shit, I don't know.

Stupid wedding.

The almost confrontation with Jacob was not unexpected, but I was actually glad the vampires were there to stop him from attacking. The last thing he should be doing is ruining that rented tuxedo by phasing. I honestly didn't blame him for still being pissed with me but there was no way I was going to share details about his sister that were none of his business.

I knew Jasper was surprised when I sat next to him, but I didn't belong sitting with anyone connected with the pack or La Push. His little spiky-haired wife was none too pleased that I sat there, but she was trying to be a good sport about it. The wedding happened, Sam and Emily were married, there was cake - I think. We didn't stay that long. There was a possible lead about what happened to Rachel and I couldn't think of anything else all during the ceremony. I caught a few head nods from Embry and Seth after the bride and groom were pronounced, but I was headed into the woods almost as soon as the last words were spoken.

We ran, as usual. I actually never get tired of running. My body might, but I definitely don't. I knew the vampires were talking but I wasn't paying attention.

Jasper was asking a question that I didn't care about "…Bella so upset?"

"She thinks Jacob is justified in his anger at Paul - sorry man," Edward stated, the last part directed at me. I just made my limbs move faster. I couldn't care less what Bella thought; she had caused so many problems the last year. I know she didn't really try to cause problems, but she did. I had seen Jake go through so much over her only to watch her be turned into a bloodsucker. Then the other ones - the Volturi - had tried to kill us. What sort of messed up rules did the vampires have?

The smell of smoke registered at the same time Edward and Jasper ran ahead of me. In a few short minutes I arrived at my house. Fire. My house was on _fire_! I phased and was frozen for a second in shock.

"You've gotta be shitting me!" I heard my voice yell and without a conscious thought I was making my way into the house. I had to get that picture. The one of both of us on the beach, laughing. It was quintessential us and I couldn't lose that visual - even if it was burned in my memory. It was hot, but nothing I couldn't handle. I made my way through the burning walls, crackling and groaning wood the only sounds. The picture was hanging in the hallway between the stairs and the living room and I retrieved it quickly before making my way to the kitchen.

I really should have asked Jasper what he noticed in the report because I had no idea what to grab. What if I didn't get the right things? They would be destroyed. I just started throwing whatever I could into a sack and hoped.

"Paul! Hurry up!" I heard Jasper yell a split second before I heard the sirens.

I just started into the cupboards when I felt rather than saw a change in the situation - the house was going to start collapsing. I knew I should feel panic or concern, but I was actually hoping in that moment that the fire would get me. Why should I be suffering when it would be easy to let this set of circumstances end me? Then, as if the house knew what I was thinking, part of the ceiling caved in and a beam crashed through the kitchen table, trapping me against the cupboards. I had no way out.

I saw the vampires briefly through the flames, knowing they couldn't get to me - fire was dangerous to them. A second later I felt myself being pulled through the wall by a cold hand. I felt pain in my shoulder, but the sirens were arriving so the three of us ran into the woods.

Jasper yelled something at me when we were a safe distance away but I didn't hear it. I was yelling back.

"Way to dislocate my shoulder!" The pain was nothing compared to the numbness I had felt in my chest, but it was uncomfortable and I was pissed off.

"Damn - sorry," he replied, the sharp tone of his voice disappearing.

"Whatever, I got what I could from the kitchen," I muttered, wincing as I tried to move my arm. _Shit_.

"Would you let me set that?" Edward asked me, and I just nodded. I needed it set quickly if it was going to heal right. "Jazz, brace him." He added and Jasper was at my other side. I yelled in pain as Edward set the shoulder but I was a little impressed with his skill. Not that I'd ever tell him as much.

"Thanks," I grumbled and handed Jasper the bag of junk from the kitchen. Remembering I was still naked I put my pants on and folded the picture of Rach and I, putting it in my pocket. I was going to ask about our next move when I heard another one of the blood suckers yell for Jasper. I put my pants on in the nick of time.

"Over here!"

Three of them. Jasper's wife, Bella, and Carlisle. I really had had enough of the damn vampires and their stench, but I knew they were trying to help. My patience was never meant to deal with this crap.

"What happened?" Pixie vamp asked, and I rolled my eyes. I glanced further into the woods, wanting nothing more to go be by myself for a while.

I sort of listened to their conversation until Eddie boy was using me as an excuse about why we went into the house when it was on fire.

"Hey, I would have been fine by myself," I said, irritated.

"I'm sure you would have been, but they did try to help you, regardless," Carlisle spoke calmly, and I replied by rolling my eyes again.

"You're so stupid," Bella said quietly to Edward, which made me smirk. _Feeling's mutual, bitch_.

"I'm sorry?" He said; amusement on his face... and I think he was laughing at my comment, not Bella's.

"Damn right you're sorry," she said back, smiling. That was it; I officially had enough of them.

"Look, I did what I had to do. You'll let me know about those herbs if you find anything out, right?" I asked, looking at Jasper. He nodded and I felt like I could trust him. I didn't know if he was pulling his mood hocus pocus or if I really felt that way, but I didn't care. Rachel would have liked that I was giving them a chance, she never wanted us to be as unforgiving with each other as we were, even after the fight with the Volturi. The smell of smoke reached my senses again and it really hit me - our house was gone. I needed to go and find some place to crash for a while.

"Did you want to stay with us?" Edward asked next, and I saw Bella narrow her eyes at him. What the hell was her problem with me?

"No thanks. I… I just need space," I said, feeling as though that answer was sufficiently vague.

"Stop by anytime," Carlisle said, and I didn't know what else to say so I just nodded once and headed toward the woods.

"Thanks for the help," I called, trying to be polite because I knew she'd want me to be.

I jogged for a while with no particular direction and thought about my life at the moment. I knew someone was definitely out to make my life a living hell, but I had no idea why. Everything was truly gone now.

Stopping by a creek I took the picture out of my pocket, needing to remember what it was like before. She was such a good woman. I still had no idea why she had agreed to be mine, but I guess that's what imprinting is. After a few moments I heard someone approaching, but I didn't smell vampire, I smelled friendly wolf.

"Paul? What happened?" Seth asked, stepping out of the woods.

"Fire," I replied quietly, tired and not wanting to get into it with him.

"Was it… I mean did you…?" He tried, completely ignoring my eyes.

"Seth. Are you seriously asking me if I burned my own freaking house down?" The rage was back in an instant and I started to shake. He was just a kid, but what he was implying was enough for me to attack him.

"No! I mean, sort of, but just because I don't know what's going on with you anymore and we can't hear you and I miss her too but I know not as much as you and Jake and - I don't know what I'm saying," his words came out quickly and rushed together, and I couldn't help but hug him. I stepped back and locked eyes with him. He really was just trying to deal with things that a teenager shouldn't have to.

"Seth, it's okay. No, I did not burn my house down. My guess is that whoever killed Rachel did. I don't really know why, but the Cullens are working on something that might help us." I realized I was going to say too much as soon as I started talking.

"The Cullens? Do they know something?" He asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Not really. They're just checking something out for me," I replied quietly, and his shoulders slumped slightly.

"Oh."

"Look, I don't want to talk about all this shit. How's school?" I questioned, and he sighed. He picked up some stones and started to skip them across the creek.

"School's fine. Weird."

"How is it weird?" I picked up some stones too, starting a little competition.

"People know I'm different. I don't have time for my friends anymore so we don't really talk. Leah's always picking me up and gets all big sister on me. Oh! But I do have an awesome new English teacher. She's really nice and funny and sort of crazy." I couldn't help but chuckle at him as I continued skipping stones.

"Sounds like you have a crush."

"I do not!"

"Uh-huh."

"Shut up, I do not!" His face was beet red and I decided not to push it.

"Okay, I believe you. Look, I need to go figure out a place to stay and I'm sure the fire department is trying to get a hold of me. I have to act all surprised that I don't have a home anymore."

"You could stay with us," the hesitance in his voice was all I needed to know that we both were aware the idea of me staying with the Clearwaters was not the best option. Leah would never be happy about it, and I didn't know where Sue stood about me.

"I don't think that's the best idea. Your sister…"

"What about me?" Leah's sharp voice interrupted my answer and I jumped. Seth looked amused for a second until worry seemed to take over.

"Hell, woman, how do you do that?" I asked, covering my embarrassment at her taking me by surprise.

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on me like that?" I replied, and she shrugged.

"Hey Seth, it's your turn to patrol tonight and I need to talk to Paul for a minute," she said to her brother, and he groaned.

"Take it easy, Seth," I said kindly and he offered his fist to me.

"Knucks?" He questioned and I hit his fist with mine before he jogged away. "I won, by the way," he called once he had disappeared into the woods. I didn't know why Leah was here, but I assumed she was upset. I sighed and looked at her. Yep, she was pissed off.

"What happened to your house, Paul?"

"Some asshole burned it down and no, it wasn't me so you can take that damn look off your face," I replied, my voice having a hard edge to it.

"Why would anyone…"

"I have no idea! Why would anyone kill Rachel! What in the hell did I do to have someone hate me so much?" I growled at her, and she rubbed her forehead with her hand, trying to understand the situation just like I was.

"Maybe it was the guy that she…"

"Shut your damn mouth," I interrupted her again, my voice steel and Leah took a step back.

"Paul, you can't tell me you haven't thought about this. She wasn't the person everyone thinks she was! Even you!" Her voice pleaded with me to understand, but I couldn't think about it. I had never hit a woman but I was dangerously close to losing it with her.

When I didn't respond she continued, but with renewed carefulness, "If you don't say something about her cheating on you we could miss something very important."

"_Shut the fuck up_!" I roared at her, seeing red. "It doesn't matter, okay? She didn't want me to say anything and you'd better just drop it! She made a mistake and I won't go against her wishes. Do you know what she said to me right before she died? That it wasn't my fault! She said there was nothing I could have done and I shouldn't blame myself. But I do! Of course I fucking do!"

"Stop being such a baby," Leah's voice was harsh and I grabbed my head with my hands so that I wouldn't hit her.

"I really hope you…" I didn't say anymore before I was interrupted.

"Just stop it. I'm not going to tell you it's not your fault because it won't matter but take your head out of your ass. She made bad choices and we have no idea the consequences of those choices. The only reason I know is because I confronted her about it - you know that. I agreed not to say anything but I swear to Q'wati that if I need to say something I will. I hate keeping this from Jake. She was his sister and he means a hell of a lot more to me than you do."

"I know. But, dammit, she didn't want anyone to know," I said softly. She was protective of the pack and knew her indiscretions might weaken the imprint bonds that existed. I couldn't deny her of privacy because if I was honest with myself it was something that made me question the entire idea of imprinting.

"What if it means catching her murderer?" Leah's voice was soft again.

"It doesn't." I knew it in my bones. Her cheating had nothing to do with her death.

"I hope you're right, but I can't be sure."

I stayed in Embry's garage for a few days, but knew I couldn't stay there long. If the pack knew I was there they'd be unhappy with him. Well, most of the pack. I didn't know who was still upset with me and who was on my side but I wanted to know. I hadn't heard from the vampires yet and I wasn't sure if that was a good sign.

I stood across the small parking lot waiting for Seth. I decided that he would talk to me about the state of things with the pack better than anyone else. When I saw him walk out of the building I did our call. His head immediately shot in my direction and he smiled when he saw me. He hurried over, his eyes narrowing slightly when he reached me, questioning.

"Hey, what brings you to school?" He asked, and I laughed. Leave it to Seth to get right to the point.

"Honestly? I want you to tell me who still hates me," I told him with a sigh, and he nodded, rubbing his chin.

"I can do that, but only if you tell me what the Cullens are doing."

Sneaky bastard.

"In the toxicology report about Rachel they noticed some unusual herbs. They're looking into it." His eyes widened at this news.

"You mean she was drugged?" He asked, and I quickly corrected him.

"No! Nothing like that; I got some herbs from the kitchen before the house totally burned for them but I couldn't get everything. We're hoping they can find the source as well as what it means," He relaxed with my explanation and a worried look took over his face.

"You can't be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, not liking where this was going.

"I told Leah the Cullens were doing something for you," He replied softly, looking guilty. I wiped my face with my hands. _He's just a kid and no one knows what's going on_. I tried to keep calm, there was no reason to get upset with him.

"You're mad," He said, his voice remorseful.

"No, it's okay, I just wish you would have kept it to yourself. We don't know anything," I sighed and tried to forget it. "Anyway, your turn to spill your guts."

"Well, I think you know what Jake and my sister think," I nodded and he continued. "Embry and Jared think what happened was unfair. Quil's upset because Jacob is."

I had expected as much. I knew that Embry didn't think I should have been "let go" from the pack as he called it and Jared was with me and Sam for a while before Embry joined us.

"What about Sam?" My voice was soft. What did our alpha think?

"He's been neutral. He hasn't voiced an opinion at all. It's been really strange," Seth scratched his head and silence fell between us as I tried to figure out what it meant. I changed the subject.

"I talked with the fire department and they think it was arson. They don't have any leads, though."

"Paul, are you okay? I mean, losing your house after everything…" I closed my eyes for a split second, not wanting him to know just how bad I really was. I was trying to hold it together and so far was fooling people pretty good.

"Seth!" A female voice called and I tensed for a moment when I thought it might be Leah or Sue, but I didn't recognize the voice. I looked behind him and a young woman was walking towards us. She had dark hair pulled back and large brown eyes. She was definitely Native American but not Quileute. Her clothes were simple but a little dressy. I eyed her questioningly and noticed her blush when she caught my eye. Interesting.

"H-hi Miss Seneca," Seth stammered and I smirked. Must be his crush.

"You forgot your backpack." She handed his bag to him and he blushed also. I guess I was the only one not embarrassed. "Who's your friend?"

"Thanks. Um, this is Paul. Paul, this is Miss Seneca." I thought the kid might kill me with his look. He really didn't want me to say anything about our talk, but I can't help myself.

"English teacher?" I asked, and his jaw locked. He gave me a curt nod, and I smirked again.

"To most of the world I'm known as Malia. Nice to meet you, Paul," She extended her hand and I shook it carefully.

"You too, Malia. Seth really likes your class."

"Is that right?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Paul, Leah's picking me up today," He said through his teeth, and my smile fell.

"Damn, okay. We'll talk later," I said to him. "Give him hell," I said to Malia before jogging in the direction of the forest.

"'Bye!" I heard Seth call through laughter.

I looked around for a place to stay. The best I could do was a small room over a garage rented from an elderly couple on the edge of Quileute land. Since I didn't really have much money they let me work for them as payment. I was getting insurance money from the fire but it would take some time. The living arrangement seemed to work out okay. I didn't tell anyone where I was because I didn't want them to know.

Imagine my surprise when Jasper showed up, his expression serious.

"We found something."

* * *

Don't hate me. Or do. Just review please!

Q'wati is the creator of men in the Quileute legends.


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